what i want for my future???

future... seem is kind of far to me..
i can't see any of my future...
nobody understand me...
i felt that... the distance between me and my family, my friends is not like how it used to be...
they used to be my supporter... my shoulder... my ear... my everything...
but now.... i don't felt this...
i don't no why...
when i am still a kid...
i always felt that my family always unfair to me... especially my dad...
i remember... he used to promise me to get something for me whenever i help him take something... but in the end he did not fulfill it...
i don't mind all this... what i need is only their attention... their caring... their love...
it's only something simple like this...
but when time grow longer... and i became a teen... all this feeling were still remain the same...
i tried very hard to get their attention by getting better grades... and all... but... they let me feel it's not better enough...
because... what i get is not what i want...
i am in trouble... the settle everything for me... only that session i felt their love for me is actually there...

but... all this feeling is only in short time! yeah~ SHORT TIME!
why i say so??? i also don't know how can i explain it...

i know... my dad actually very look down on me...
i don't why... maybe it's because i am not his candy eyes...

when i am out of work... i regret... i regret for what i do in the past... the matter that made my life have big different... so huge... yeah... it hurts me a lot sometimes when i am thinking back...
well... i blame myself sometimes too...

anyhow, after sometimes of work... i feel i am like going back to study... yeah... i really wish to continue or start all over again... i don't mind... all i want is i don't want others to look down upon me... especially my families...

i start to search college... part-time... consider of changing work to match my part time timetable..
and i been asking my friends... nobody know it.... only my friends that i asked about the study thing and my boyfriend...

after sometime of searching and all... i told my parent about it...
but in return i get is... a pile of cold water pore on my head...
they made conclusion quickly saying that i won't make it and this and that...
i know they sounds disapprove... but they did not sound out directly...

it hurts me a lot... nobody is there to support me...
from the day i start to think to going back and continue my studies...
i make myself clear that i won't take a single cents from the old one....
but... they don't believe... because of my past...

if it's like that... what for they want to save me back???
let me die at other place it should be more better...
bringing me back here it's actually make me more suffer...
because of the way they treat me like i am the black sheep of the family...
i am useless... hopeless... everything that is 'less' is also me...
because i am just an SPM holder....................................................................................

laz few more hours!!!

omg!!!!
i cant believe it!!!!
im gonna meet ting ting tonight!!!
she's gonna stay over at my place until sunday!!!
so so so so excited!!!
gonna have ♥ to ♥ talk with her....
have not ♥ to ♥ talk ever since N years ago...
i cnt remember when is our laz ♥ to ♥ talk...
cos it have been so so so so so so long ago....
i remember i laz seen her is on her 21st bday in singapore...
celebrate wif her...
mt...
n kitaro...


finally...
she's planned to come here...
n im gonna spend all my time on her...
cos i dunno when she's coming again after this..
hehes....
see ya tonight ting!!!!
^O^

^__________________^

referring to my previous post..
well... its a conflict... misunderstanding...
hope things would turn better...
and remain the same like before...
im still ur bestest fren bestest sister...
u are oso the same in my heart and in ur heart too!!!!
^__________________________________^

meant!

im really speechless!!!!
totally disappointed!!!
yeah... fuck off!!!!
get ur ass out off my life!!!!
im not a spare tayar when ur fren is not around...
damn it!!!!

I DON'T ♥ YOU
LIKE I LOVED YOU
YESTERDAY

happy birthday to LIM MEI TONG

mei tongggggg.... happy birthday ooo!!!!
LOL~~~ the last one d~~~
youngest among us~~~
=D

meitonnngggg.... duno whether u wil read tis o nt??? but i will show tis to u~~~
u r such a nice fren... steady when i need u~~~ hehess...
aiya... i oso duno wat to say to u....
anyway... HAPPY BIRTHDAY YA!!!!
u & me are adults now!!!!
lets go to casino together-gather =D




and.... enjoy ya~~~ see u tonight~~~
hope u enjoy the celebration

*sorry... now only i realise that both of us does not have a decent pic =x
*sorry to people that kena cut by me in the pic.... SO SORRY!!!! =D

It's OuR DaY 4th DeceMbEr.... ThE 730th DaY! =D

hmmmm....

i found that nowadays seldom people update their blog sehhh...
LOL~~~
ok... i know... i am also 1 of them...
yeahhh... blog karat liao...
sooo... here am i to update =D
today is a very very very special day...
im happy okay!!!!
so bloody happy!!!
happy for myself and himmmmm~~~~
because it's our 2 years!!!


well...
this time... we did something different...
whenever we have like special occasion like...
valentine's... anniversary... birthday.... chrismas and etc....
we will buy gift...
so this time...
our theme are SURPRISE!!!!


hmmm.... i'm gonna give him a surprise....
and he gonna give me one too!
so... i am very excited tonight's date
hehes... i am nervous too...
cos i scare he will laugh at my surprise...
=D but... never mind...
i guess that he will like that!
hehess


all right... time really flies...
i know 730 days might not mean alot days compare to those that already be together like
5, 6, 7, 8 years...
but to me,
YEAH! IT MEANS ALOT TO ME!
haha... i appreciate all the days we are together
from the day we been together until now
i really hope that our relationship will remain....
remain till the day our life end...


in this 2 years,
we have gone through up and down
we do have arguement, time to let us cool down and etc....
but... this is over!
the unhappy is all behind us
only the happy, sweet memory will keep inside us...


thank you for giving me such a wonderful moment
let me feel the love, the care, the everything that i want
you are my greatest dar dar!!! I HEART YOU TO THE MAXXXxxxXXX!!!!
=D

*note: will blog again after the date! =D